by Liz Young
(Based on Luke 24:13-35; Acts 2:14a,36-41; 1 Pet 1:17-23)
Here are my thoughts on grief and visions.
We all grieve differently, and our grief comes and goes in waves, and at different times; and depending on how old we are, and whether we have experienced grief before.
Sometimes for those grieving deeply, especially if a death has been sudden and unexpected, the longing to see someone they love again means that they do see them, at least, a vision of them. But for those of us whose partner’s death has been expected for a while – maybe tchey’ve died slowly of cancer – much of our grieving is done before they die and, while we relive memories, we are less likely to see visions.
The disciples had not understood Jesus’s warnings, that he was going to be killed in Jerusalem, so his death on Calvary was a shock that took time to process. I’m not surprised that they saw him on several occasions. The two disciples on the Emmaus road, had not seen the risen Jesus with Mary, or with Peter and John, but had heard them relate their experiences of seeing the risen Jesus. They were walking and talking together, on a road they’d walked with Jesus, and this would have brought back memories of him, vivid memories – and as they heard Jesus teach, beginning with the story of Moses, he reminded them of those Old Testament teachings, particularly those in Isaiah, that foretold of his death. But it wasn’t until Jesus broke bread that they recognized him.
We all will feel grief at some stage of our lives. Jesus felt grief. He wept at Lazarus’s death. Bishop Bruce wrote, “We cannot deny or hurry the process of grief, the adjustment that leads to acceptance and moving on with our lives. What helps us do this? Facing and naming our loss, letting the pain be fully felt, letting it deepen us, and ignite our compassion for others in pain; above all, knowing we are not alone, that Jesus the Christ also suffered, sweated, wept and bled … and finally triumphed. He stands beside us, his arm around our shoulders as we grieve.”
In your time of pain, put your trust in God. I’d add, it helps to have experienced grief before, and know that peace and acceptance come in time.
We also experience grief differently depending on our age. I was 26 when my mother died. It was my first experience of grief and it was overwhelming. It was exacerbated by my realization that she had masked her pain and hidden it, so that I wouldn’t be distracted while I was taking my medicine finals. Three weeks after she died, I started working on a radiotherapy ward that specialized in breast and testicular cancers and lymphomas. It was not until nine years later as I watched the courage of children dying of leukaemia and cancer, and the care they took to protect their parents, that I healed. I made sure that as many children as possible were able to die at home. That was something I could do.
Which brings me to ask you, what can we do, to use the insights we gain from experiencing grief, and use the strengths we have gained from our experience of sorrow, to help others?
I looked up how the other great religions honour death and grief. Buddhists have specific funeral rites. Most Buddhists, like Buddha himself, are cremated, though some are buried. Mourning services are held on the third, seventh, forty ninth and hundredth days after a funeral.
Moslems (and the Spanish, interestingly) try to bury their dead as soon as possible, preferably within twenty four hours. Traditionally only men were allowed to attend the funeral, but women have been allowed to attend more in recent years. After the funeral there are three days of mourning, when the family are not allowed to cook and the community feeds them.
Jewish funerals also take place within twenty four hours of the death. Sometimes mourners rip pieces of material off their own clothing and the torn garment is worn for a week after the death. There is a personal remembrance service held annually, and national days of mourning are held on Yom Kippur and at Passover.
There are other causes of grief, besides losing someone to death. There is the loss of having a ‘normal’ child to enjoy, when a ‘handicapped’ child is born to you. Mothers seem to cope with this better than fathers, maybe because they invest more in their care, but there is a lifetime of recurring grief ahead of them. I watched the film I Swear this week. It addresses Tourette’s Syndrome. The mother of the guy affected never moved from her grief of having an abnormal child: but he made a success of his life with the help of two staunch friends – a mental health nurse and his first employer, the manager of a community care centre.
Then there is the loss of a child to addiction.
And many of you will have had your own different griefs to bear. Lay them at the foot of the cross and move on, just as we laid our stones at the foot of the cross recently, on Good Friday.
Having practical supportive friends does help in times of grief. I have been grateful for the mutual support of the staff in the Op Shop.
What can you do?
Learn about grief and its different stages, as we move from being numb or in denial, to being angry, to trying to bargain and, finally, acceptance. Be aware of those who need to grieve in their own way, as they honour their own individual relationship to the person they are grieving for.
Get out for a walk in Nature frequently, and practise Gratitude as you wake in the morning, and last thing at night.
And, finally, let’s use the experience and the knowledge and strengths we have gained in our grief to follow the love of Christ in deed and action. As Peter said, “We are ransomed by Christ’s blood. Love one another, because you have been born anew.”
I have been blest this year by all the love and care you have given me.
What can we do this week that shows our love for each other?
Amen
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