by Liz Young
(Based on Matt 5:21-37; 1 Cor 3:1-9)
Continuing the Sermon on the Mount: Jesus reflects on divorce and the taking of oaths.
My husband was very reluctant to divorce his first wife, in the sixties, because it was just not done in his family. But they had married because she was pregnant, and it was before the days of the pill, and they were totally unsuited.
My sister had three boys before she was twenty one, as her GP wouldn’t prescribe the pill while she was breastfeeding; she’s now divorced too.
As I look round the congregation today, I wonder how many of our generation here have divorced because they first married when they were too young.
In Jesus’s day, for the same reason, lack of efficient contraception, women got married at the end of puberty and men at the age of eighteen. But marriage then was more about the exchange of property, and ensuring the birth of children – who would be expected to look after their parents, as they grew older. Marriage was planned and documents exchanged at the time of the betrothal. Among Jewish people the father had absolute authority over the household, including the life and death of his children and selling his children into slavery.
But, as well as rights, he had responsibilities: he was expected to provide his wife and children with all their basic needs. Wives and mothers had few legal rights but a lot of practical authority: they prepared meals, baked bread and shared in squeezing olive oil, made butter and tended the animals. In practice, most men realized how much they depended on their wives for their daily comfort.
In Jesus’s time the stability of Jewish families was envied by the surrounding pagan societies. But divorce was available; it was an option for Joseph, Mary’s fiancee, to consider.
John and I married at age 35, for companionship, and shared laughter, as well as safe sexual stability: and I thank God for more than forty happy years.
Many couples are/were not so lucky. My grandparents were founders of the marriage guidance movement in the UK, which sprung into action after World War Two, as many wartime marriages did not live up to expectation. [And, as I wrote this, I realized that changing mores have meant that today people no longer stay in unhappy marriages, or even get married in the first place. So I Googled the end of Marriage Guidance and Relationship Services and found that it had gone into liquidation in 2015.]
Divorce rates vary nationally. Currently the highest rates are in the USA and Russia, and the lowest rates are in Ireland, Greece and Mexico. In New Zealand we are average, with a divorce rate of about twenty per cent, and divorce occurs at an equal rate in all age groups, from 25-65, and the divorce rate here peaked in1996.
Divorce was frowned upon by the church in the UK, and NZ, as I was growing up, and the Anglican Church in NZ still hasn’t formally allowed divorcees to remarry in church. (But has informally allowed it since 1970!)
Jesus was much harsher though. He said whoever divorces his wife except on grounds of unfaithfulness is making her an adulteress.
This makes me question how often my behaviour follows my cultural norm rather than Jesus’s direct teaching.
Then Jesus comments on swearing oaths in God’s name. Not what Jesus was talking about, but I remember clearly the silence that fell over the Special Care Baby Unit in 1980 at Waikato Hospital when I swore while I was having difficulty inserting a drip. I didn’t continue swearing at that time, but I can’t say that I stopped swearing altogether, even if I did change that word to ‘merde’.
The swearing Jesus was referring to, partly, was ‘taking the name of God in vain’, and I’m sure that is something we would all try not to do.
The other reading that I would like to comment on is Paul’s from Corinthians. Paul starts by commenting on the Corinthians’ spiritual immaturity: he notes that they argue, they are divided about their beliefs, and form factions. Ie, human behaviour; very similar behaviour to what we see today, world wide. We’re just human. We form groups of about thirty with common interests who work towards the same goals, and are cautious with strangers. I always value our Opportunity Shop, where a group of women work toward the common good, supporting each other while providing us, the church, with a stable income, and plenty extra that we can give out to charities – local, national and international.
We are fortunate with our leaders at St Francis, and we recognize and value our different gifts.
So, the message we need to take away is that we need to keep our focus on God, on what he has graciously provided for us, and what he requires of us. We need to remember and accept that we are human, we can be jealous and envious, we can form factions and be cautious of strangers. Make sure you greet someone you don’t know this week, and find out their current worries and joys; and make sure when you’re working together you are working for the common good.
And those of us who still have partners, never go to sleep without sorting out your differences.
stfrancischurchtairuanz 